4.5.12

In two weeks it will be one month since Tristan and I were "official"... ONE MONTH. So why am I already having dreams of him saying "Olive juice" to me? That's crazy right? Well, what's even more crazy is last night when we were at the movies, I literally had to force myself to cough up a lung because I almost said it OUT LOUD. I'm not sure which is worse- how soon I have that thought or the fact that it was OLIVE JUICE instead of the other more traditional 3 word phrase.

  I'm definitely too chicken to say that first... and even more importantly, i think it's too soon for me to know if it's real. Or maybe it's not too soon, but the fear of everyone else thinking it's too soon makes me believe so. Every time I look into his eyes, I want to say it, but I can't. I just can't. I'm terrified of it being too soon for him, of scaring him away, making him think I'm a clingy freak. But I know he feels that way, I can tell every time he looks at me. I can tell by the way he treats me, talks to me. I can tell by how he isn't afraid to hold my hand, put his arm around me, or kiss me... in front of his mom. (I've never dated a guy like that before.)

  Tristan and his mom, Alice, met my parents last night. I was a little nervous, but I knew they would get along great. My mom actually went as far as telling me the next day she thinks he's "the one"... why did she have to say that to me? That tortures me knowing someone else thinks we are going to get married. And not just one person, no no, my dad had to chime in and say the same thing as if they are conspiring against me. lol @ conspiring... as if my parents are FORCING me to fall in love and be happy. I guess sometimes I cheat myself out of happiness, like it's not allowed or something. But I knew the moment he kissed me that he was different, and even more cliche, that he was going to break through my barriers and crush them into sand.

  He told me his mom and his dad got engaged after being together for two months. She said it was literally love at first sight nd she knew she was going to marry him. I had to bite my tongue so I didn't say "I know how you feel." Yeah, let's say that to you while your son is sitting right next to me. At least I was on the outside in the booth so he could get up and run away. Except, she was across from us, which was close enough to reach and smack the daylight out of me for being ridiculous.

  I can't sleep without hearing his voice at least once that day, and the entire time he's talking, I'm closing my eyes because I am wishing his arms were around me. I've never felt more safe inside a pair of arms. They aren't just ordinary arms with ordinary skin and ordinary dark hair. They are Tristan's arms made from scratch, made from his beautiful mother and handsome father. They are arms that are connected to the hands that give me chills every time they touch me.

This all scares the crap out of me. I've literally never felt like this before, but I've also never been with anyone like Tristan. Never been with a guy who told me he missed me, who opened doors for me, who my parents loved immediately, who can give me chills with just touching me. But even though I'm so scared that he's going to hurt me eventually, I am letting him continue bust down my walls and make me fall in love with him.